I have found power lately in routine. Making the bed everyday and working outside. All the vitamins are back in stock finally from getting paid. I feel better and it brings a sense of order to the chaos to tidy up the house every day. I'm a beast when paired with a Swiffer and a plan to keep things in order, it seems. It is keeping everything in line with what is going on with Mocha.
I got the side garden dahlias planted yesterday, Mocha washed, watered the house plants. The house clean starting at 8 AM and did not stop with my final shower until 12 AM or so, but you know, it was the best shower that I've had in forever and the best sleep that I've had in forever. Sometimes, the body needs total and utter exhaustion to rest. I lit the candles and left the lights off during my shower and dimmed all the lights in the house. Developing these routines adds some level of comfort to this crazy time.
People do not understand that the winter is a gardener’s restorative rest. Because when the gardening season starts during the year, it's a 7 AM till late sort of vibe until you get all of your stuff finished and planted (I was watering last night after dark. It's a lot of work, but I enjoyed this.) After things are in their pots, you can develop a new routine where you're taking care of it everything that's less intense. But I find that, as far as my mind creatively, that getting the house finished and getting back outside again has grounded me. The same goes for feeling enlivened by the new changes inside. It has given me more energy and thoughts for other creative projects. A list of which creative projects have been laying in my living room floor for the last week. They are the equivalent, in my mind, to four or five dominoes that are set up that need to be knocked down in a long line of things that have been getting worked on for what I hope is the near future.
One of which is the "How to Bake in 8 Weeks" course. I think it will pay off by being patient and taking the time to get the audio straight. Listening to the opinion of the people who have been helping and know more than me and also not combining and convoluting filming the class with a charity dinner, Mocha's health, or routine of self. So, I think that by the time that we start filming this next week that it should be good. I started lining out the online platform for it briefly and I hope to release each course each week for sale as we go on, depending on timing of the editing. So, if you're interested, you may very well know how to bake better by the fall than you did before we started. I think it's going to be amazing and I look forward to sharing it with all of you.
But I'm going back to where I started. There is most definitely power in routine, in finding ease, in letting go of some things. When the house is ripped apart, it is not the time to eat on China (or maybe it is the time to eat on China.) I think that that's a balance, because I use my China every single day and I usually have the upwards of two whole plates to wash. However, if you have the house ripped apart and have ladders and paint everywhere maybe that's the time to be like," You know, give yourself just a second." And I'm realizing now there were a lot of times where I could have probably given myself a second or taken the help that was offered to me over the last few months.
^ And wanted the bathroom to be vibrant and full of passion like the stone. I find that every time I change something from contractor grey to something more bold that things start to take shape.
There have been times lately, where I was obsessed with washing the dog or washing the sheets over and over and over again. When Mocha was having her nose bleeds, I just slept on the couch with her for a few weeks, because I couldn't keep up with the cleaning and I realized after, "You know what, she's fine to sleep in a bed next to my bed, because she was fine sleeping in her bed next to the couch. We don't both fit on the couch." This way my bed stays perfect every night."Â And that in itself is a relief. I just could not fathom her not sleeping next to me, so I was going to all lengths to keep it going. But something as small of a change as her being next to me instead of directly beside me gives me more energy to take care of her throughout the day.
I truly believe in the power of somatic release. You have to do something to let go of all of the tension that you build up in your body throughout the day. Laugh with friends, dance, roll around in the front lawn etc. Yoga helps too. Holding positions for a longer time forces the muscle to release and makes it relax. This especially rings true when paired with what was a long day of working yesterday . The yoga allowed me to let it go today . It's rare to quiet the mind and start to go into a slight transcendent place, but when it happens, it's nothing but pure bliss.
Here is Lissa's playlist for the solstice. She said she made it a year ago, but I think it's still holding up.
This song :
And this with tension melting away and the lemon rosemary oil she puts in your palms at the end of practice. It hits a jazzy little beat about 40 seconds in:
I think that with all of the stress I've had lately that it can be assumed that I will break, but it isn't my way. I am a fighter through and through and look for ways to make it all work. As I was walking through the clean house last night around 1 AM, I felt a sense of power and pride as I got into my made bed with my clean floors and my fully exhausted body that the feeling about the house and within myself was the way it was always meant to be.
Back to planting today. There is a garden feature planned for fall, so I'm going to be investing time in the care of the garden. Looking at small things to improve. Watering . And in turn I have always found that by taking care of the garden, it takes care of me. So, I'm happy to be out of house projects, aside from constant cleaning, and back outside where I belong.
She’s perfect.
Hope you’re all well,
Alex